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$850 / 1br - 3500ft2 - Grad Student Home Seeking New Roomies (State College)

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Hello potential cohabitants! We are a house of two graduate students, one in Molecular Biology and the other in complicatedly overadvanced multidimensional ordinal Mathematics, in need of a third, LGBTQ- and neurodivergent-friendly roommate. The house, which is quite large and beautiful, is only 7 minutes from campus by bike path. The other 1.5 roommates are moving out to get their own place, but they will still be friends and will be popping by regularly for social gatherings, so we're a communal house on good terms, looking for a kind, intellectual, alt/hippy-ish match to this energy.

The amenities are numerous:
- A hot tub!
- Separate living and entertainment rooms (~700 sqft each).
- PS4 and Apple TV.
- A fully-functional wet bar for those mixologically inclined and/or clinically depressed.
- Separate, private office spaces and a communal printer.
- A separate guest room for free use by friends or family members (such as for football weekends).
- Off-street parking.
- Washer and dryer.
- Warp-speed internet.
- Unlike some other landlords, I am not an evil, asocial robot and freely allow gatherings, friends, etc., so long as you are respectful of your roommates.

The cohabitation situation follows thusly:
- One room is available for rent, starting starting summer or fall
- Monthly rent is $850 (no utilities fee! because I'm not mean).
- Both rooms share a bathroom, but the guest shower also available for use.

We prefer graduate students primarily because we enjoy intellectual, communicative, worldly, engaging, and chill friendships, and a family-like home atmosphere with heavy doses of sarcasm and metahumor. You will be evaluated for compatibility with a 2-hour standardized test, No. 1 pencils only, on your opinions of anti-racism, ethical consequentialism, rail transit infrastructure, STEM and evidence-based education, social democracies, radical honesty, the recent outsized effect of Romanian pizza chains on ameliorating child trafficking, victim complexes and moral purity tests, the definition of a stroad and its relation to nondense zoning laws, the informal logical fallacy of shifting the burden of proof, and social norm pyromania. In the event of multiple successful applicants, ties will be settled by a commercial aviation globe circumnavigation race, a written essay on the bodycount of your most recent Karen encounter, or a competitive powerpoint battle royale.

Act now and this room can be yours for only 43 easy payments of 19.99 a month! If you or anyone you know has ever experienced birth, call our hotline today to claim this special offer.*
*36 pages of terms and conditions apply. See site for full details. Use of this property may cause hypertension, nausea, skin irritation, dysphoria, homework, epistasis, epistaxis, myocardial infarction, a sense of impending doom, or lethal cosmic radiation dose. Please consult your doctor before beginning treatment of homelessness with this home.

post id: 7756327557

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